Who are you?
Do you know who you are?
Really deep down inside of yourself who you are?
I really do feel that we spend all of our lives just trying to figure out who the hell we are. As a child our identities are given to us by grown ups around us and it can be so confusing because we learnt to be who we think we should be so that the reactions around us are positive, for example, good girl equals praise and happiness in grown ups, naughty equals anger, disappointment and confusion.
So as children we are constantly assessing the environment and figuring out how we should act in order to stay safe, it really is basic survival and please don’t get me wrong I grew up in a great environment but I remember these feelings vividly, and maybe that had a lot to do with being a highly sensitive Empath.
But it makes sense doesn’t it? Children are vulnerable so in order to maintain the highest level of safety they adapt to their environment. So during these years our identity comes to us from those around us, parents, siblings, teachers, grandparents.
Every time someone says, “Oh isn’t Johnny this or that” another label has gone into the structure of who we think we are. At this stage of our lives we have no concept of “Who we are”. Then we hit the oh so awesome pre-pubescent teenage years, Lord isn’t that when we all just want to crawl under a bed and not come out until it’s all over. During these years our identity is influenced by how well we will be accepted and fit in with the seemingly “popular” kids around us. We are again in survival mode trying to adjust ourselves to either draw the least amount of attention to ourselves or to try and be seen by anyone. Are we wearing the right brand of clothes? Is our hair the right style? Do we look the right way?
I grew up in a large family and while we always were provided with what we needed there wasn’t money for extras.
So my beautifully talented mum made a lot of our clothes and she was my only hairdresser until I got my first part time job.
We are influenced by our idols, pop stars, tv stars, movie stars.
Did you or didn’t you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and if you didn’t then there must be something wrong with you?
Then there were the awesome 20 somethings and back when I was 20 it was normal for everyone to be getting engaged and married which of course they all were so again there was an attachment to your identity of whether or not you were doing what everyone else was doing.
I still had no clue who I was.
Then I did get married and had children so then my identity was still not my own…
I was a Mother
I was a Wife
I was a Daughter
I was a Sister
I was a Niece
I was a Granddaughter
I was an Employee
But who was I – Who really was Kerryn, without all of the labels and the name tags who was I.
As I look back over my life I can honestly say that the greatest burning questions that I have been asking for as long as I can remember and yes even from childhood have been:
Who am I
What am I doing here
What is my purpose
I have been on a quest forever to try and answer those questions. I have read books, I have self assessed and inwardly reflected on almost every decision and action that I have ever taken just to try and figure out what makes me tick and what drives me.
What makes me who I am, what is it about me that is individual and created out from something other than the labels and roles that have been given to me over all of these years.
Throughout my life I had been painfully aware that I was a little different to everyone else around me. I was always super sensitive to peoples thoughts, feelings and emotions. I have always felt that there was some reason that I was here. I had always felt that It wasn’t random that I was here. I refused to believe the we were all just ants randomly running around on this planet as some big guys amusing joke who sat up in the sky and looked down on us all laughing at us struggling to figure out what the hell was going on. And yes there were occasions where I considered that maybe I needed to be assessed psychologically because no one else around me seemed to be doing their heads in thinking about all of the stuff that I had thought about forever.
My identity or acceptance of all of the parts that make up who I am has really only happened for me in the last 4 years. From the moment that I started mediating every day, to be exact. During my meditation practices I began to let go of all of the labels that I had placed upon myself. As my mediation practice continued I began to become more aware of the thoughts, the judgments and the labeling that I was giving to myself and everything that I observed in the world around me.
My meditation practice showed me that I was desperately relying on the people outside of myself to tell me who I was, I was placing all of my value and my worth as a human being on how well people made me feel accepted and valued.
Meditation revealed to me how much I was still after all of these years adapting who I was to who I thought people needed me to be in order to feel loved and accepted.
Meditation helped me to see that its ok that I am a highly sensitive being who has a weird and quirky sense of humour, it revealed to me that its ok that I laugh when no one else is laughing, it revealed to me that its okay to own my abilities as a healer and a psychic.
Meditation opened up my heart to the loving energy of the Universe but in order to fully do that I had to first open up my heart to myself.
Mediation was like a mirror to my soul, it reflected back to me the truth of who I was, and its not just one answer.
There are so many layers to who we are, but at the core of all of us Is an essence, an energy that is more than our human bodies, its a feeling of deep love that has no name, label, face or body, its an essence that lets you know that it’s okay for you to feel what it Is that you are feeling.
It’s an essence that lets you know that it’s okay to be thinking whatever it is that you are thinking without judging yourself for doing so. It is an essence of complete acceptance of all that you have done and all that you have been and all that you are.
There is no one identify that is revealed to you in meditation, but what DOES happen is that all of the need to have an identity is melted away.
There is a powerful essence that moves through all of the brick walls that you have erected
There is a space of complete and utter peace that you can float in, and here in this space there is no need for a name, there is no need for acceptance, there is no need for labels or titles,
There is no need for roles,
There is only IS
From within this space is “ISNESS” or “BEING” there comes complete acceptance
You begin to accept the all of who you are, you let go of expectations, you let go of needing approval, you let go of needing anything outside of yourself.
From this beautiful space comes a confidence to embrace your strengths, to love yourself, to be your best supporter and cheer leader,
From this space comes a deep inner knowing of what Is really important to you and what is just bullshit,
From this space comes a deep inner acceptance that you are perfect exactly as you are
From this space comes a clarity of your worth
From this space comes a deep insight as to what your values are
From this space comes a deep and endless sense of YOU ARE PERFECT just as you are.
So in losing the need to have an identity you gain the greatest clarity and insight into who you really are.
You begin to accept all aspects of who you present to the world in any given moment, you no longer have the chains binding you to an image of who you think you should be.